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Saturday, October 11, 2008

Not Invited

My little brother came home from school excited. he was invited to a pool party by his classmate. im sure he would not swim, he would be too embarassed of his body. im sure he would not be talking to much anyone there in the party. he is a really shy boy and he does not mingle much with his classmates. im sure once everyone started swimming, he would call mama up to fetch him. im sure he would be embarrased to eat much. im sure he would not belong.

but i understood his excitement. it was an extremely special event for him to be invited to these parties. he did not have many friends, and his classmates seldom invite him to parties. he even attempted to get an invite, he asked his classmate if he could come along. of course the celebrant said no. he had already given out invites and my brother was not part of his inner circle.

right now its 12:30 in the afternoon. my brother is already in the shower, even though the invite says the party starts at 3. thats how excited he is. and im excited for him as well. and a part of me is guilty. here he was, excited for a party. when he gets there i doubt if he will enjoy it, or that he'll have something fun to do, but the fact that he was invited is enough for him.

on the other end of the social spectra was me. the one who always, always gets invited by everyone. i really do not know why, but im sure im a social butterflty. i try not to make anyone uncomfortable and im just relateable. plus i have a lot of things to say and i have a lotta crazy stuff in my mind. i may be fun. thats probabaly the reason why i usually get invited to festivities and what not...

so when i think about how my brother is in the social jungle that is his breaks my heart...

and then the inevitable happened. my pity for my brother became self-pity.

i was excited for him because he got invited to a party, and then i discovered that it was my classmate's birthday as well.. and lo and behold, she chose not to invite me. to normal people this would be fine. maybe we werent as close as some of our other classmates were with her but i did not take it lightly.

i am zhaun ortega..,.the one who gets invited to every party, every barkada outing (even if i was not included in the barkada) and to me, this was a sign that my social standing was waning...or was directed towards a different direction..

confession #15
this realization was not happy i was sad for my brother because this party invite was thye exception. his norm would be not getting invited.

and here i was. i was not invited, and this was the exception. and i feel like shit. i could not accept it. i cant imagine how my brother could take this everytime he hears that one of his classmates was throwing a party and he was, yet again, not invited.