Being overweight in the party scene is not as easy as everyone thinks; especially when you are young, and have not yet managed to shrug off all your little insecurities. Everybody seems to forget that it is not that easy for overweight people to do things that average-weight people do.
Dressing up is such a task. You have to make sure that your man boobs, or love handles do not show, or that your thighs and beer belly isn’t exposed. You have to go out of your way to choose fabrics, cuts and designs that hide your flaws. More importantly, you cannot wear most things that are in trend because they either do not fit your body type, or they have not yet produced items of your size. Most people think fat people dress sloppily to hide their weight, but it is actually a very hard task to dress up when you do not think you look good in anything. The common overweight partyphile’s solution: to not try at all. So do not be surprised that you often see us in simple get-ups; that is all we feel comfortable in.
Of course, it does not help that we have become a society that is obsessed with a certain standard of beauty; that everywhere you look; people are flexing their muscles or showing off a toned tummy. It does not help that every endorser for every alcoholic beverage is clad in a bikini. It does not help that everybody thinks skinny is the new measure of beauty.
And even though we get over how we dress and the challenges it brings along with it; some other seemingly simple tasks, like dancing, becomes a problem. You can not help but think to yourself that you look awful when gyrating, or swaying your huge hips. You are never really comfortable showing off the latest dance moves. You can not help but think that people will stop and stare at you when you choose to work the ledge, as your sexy partyphile friends do. Even grabbing a drink from the bar is worth a little contemplation. You can not help but think that it would be doubly hard for you to squeeze into the crowd of people who are trying to order drinks at the bar than smaller partyphiles.
It is enough of a challenge to feel accepted in your small circle of classmates and officemates for being heavier; that the concept of putting yourself out there in the world of partyphiles, where everybody is measured by their image, is one that is enough to garner shudders of sheer insecurity.
Add to that the fact that nobody ever thinks you are worthy to ask to dance; or that you are boyfriend or girlfriend material. Nobody lusts after you, nobody thinks you are sexy, and nobody is willing to declare to the world that their partner is fat and gorgeous. And so you start to doubt yourself, and everything your parents have taught you about inner beauty being the true measure of a person’s goodness. You begin to doubt that you are actually worth something, because deep inside, you feel like people take you forgranted. You begin to doubt that you are truly special, just like your favorite Uncle says; or that you are a good catch, as your favorite Aunt puts it.
You get so tired of listening to people quip about how gorgeous you will be, once you lose the weight; or that the reason for your being single is the weight you have recently put on. You get tired of everybody reminding you that you have to watch what you eat, and that you do not look good in skinny jeans. In a sense, you get tired of feeling like your weight has taken you over, and the most important part of your being is, and will always be, your fat belly.
But until you stop allowing people to get into your head and dictate to you what you are and how to feel, you will never realize who you truly are, and what you can achieve. It is bad enough that people forget that bulky can be beautiful too, but it is far worse, when you look in the mirror and forget that too. The problem truly starts when you allow people to make you feel like you do not measure up, that you are not worthy of the same respect, or affection, that other people are.
The simple truth is: if people do not accept you, and your weight; they do not deserve you at all. Life is not supposed to be measured by calories, it is supposed to be measured by how many pleasurable moments you have experienced, how many lives you have touched, and how many friends you have made. Life is supposed to be enjoyed like one long buffet table, waiting to be ravaged and savored instead of a pre-measured plate of salad greens that leave nothing to the imagination. And when you realize that there is more to life than just your chubby cheeks you will start to feel beautiful, and worthy of love, respect, and a place in the partyphile ladder…even though you are too heavy to hop on it.
And unless you realize that, you will have to rely on beer-goggles to make you feel good about yourself…and nobody stays drunk forever.