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Thursday, October 16, 2008

Taken Forgranted

last night, i enjoyed a YM conversation with one of my more sensible classmates. before this ym conversation, we did not really talk much, but i discovered in the course of our conversation that we had a lot in common.

however, one of our topics (which strangely ranged fromemotional distress to anime to porn) struck me. it was about being taken forgranted. and i realized, actually my friendf made me realize that this is something that a lot of people go through.

here is what i think about it:

i was in my friend's shoes a couple of years back. i felt like i was tken forgranted by people i held so close to my heart. and it truly creates a strain in the relationship.

but then after everything i had gone through, i realized that iwas not actually taken forgranted. i was actually expecting too much, and this was because i, too, was giving too mjuch

i did not just give my time to friends, i had invested my everything. i gave them my time, my money, my thoughts, my emotions. everything i had was theirs... and whenever they needed me i would be there for them in a heartbeat.

so you could just imagine how ad i felt when i was the one in need of some suppoert...and there was nobody there to comfort me..

and so, once again, the partyphile's world crashed. what i did was to cling to people who were, like me, partyphiles. so i did not have to invest in them wemotionally. i just needed to be the fun person i was pretending to be. but then i realized that gimik friends fremain friends up until you are in the club. after that, you are on your own. they arent friends, they are partypghiles.

so i grew up and i realized that i needed to face this problem. i was not going to be somebody who was going to be taken forgranted forever.

what i realized is that, i should not expect so much. i should not expect as much as i give. actually, i should not give that much. the key is to find people who appreciate whatever it is that i am capable of giving. because i would never again give everything to someone. that just makes me vulnerable

and that is how i turned out this way: jaded, bruised, toughened up and, numb.

confession #17:

after all that i have learned im still in doubt if the better decision is to give everything and risk being vulnerable or eing emotionallty absent and risk making true connections with people...