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Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The New Partyphile Commandments

The new partyphile commandments

The number of partyphiles in the metro is fast-increasing, and everyone seems to be in a party mood all the time. Hot events for the true partyphile have been popping up left and right, and even the airwaves are now bombarded with party hits. Unfortunately, not all party-goers are true partyphiles, and some have forgotten the laws of Partylandia, so here it is again, to remind everyone about the essence of being a partyphile—the new Partyphile Commandments

  1. Thou shall look hot when entering a hot club.
    This is one of the most important commandments, unless of course, you want to be like Ugly Betty. Everybody has heard the saying “first impressions last”, and unfortunately, this holds true even more in Partylandia, where anyone and everyone is dissected and taken apart by social-climbing oldies. Yes, sometimes, you feel like you’re under a microscope and you feel the pressure to dress up. Darling, this superficiality won’t end soon. Right now, just follow this commandment.
  2. Thou shall not spend more than 500 bucks each time thou goes out to party.
    Real partyphiles do not spend too much, sometimes; they do not spend anything at all. They are popular, charming and likeable. All they need to bring to the table (unlike others, who need to pay for drinks et al) is their wit and charm, and that is enough for any group. People want real partyphiles to be part of their group because they bring the party with them wherever they go; thus the free drinks and even drives home come pouring in.

  1. Thou shall know about the music.

Music is an important element to any party. As a true partyphiles, you should be familiar with the hottest music today, and might want to consider creating an instant play list in your head. Real partyphiles do not just listen to dance music because they want to dance, they imbibe it, they enjoy, they appreciate it, and then... they dance to it.

4. Thou shall not care what others think.
Who cares what lowlifes think? You do not, my dear partyphiles reader. SO scream all you want, dance like you’re crazy, drink all you want, however which way you want to, and never feel the need to explain yourself to anyone else but you.

5. Thou shall dance.
Nothing sucks more than a person in the middle of the crowd who is just standing or sitting there. Dancing is a requisite when you are in a hot bar. If you do not intend to dance, go to one of those “grills” instead. If you seriously have a rhythm problem and think it would be best that you spare the rest of the world from the sight of you trying so desperately to dance, well, bob your head, stomp your feet, jump up and down, whatever it is you choose to do, just move! Nobody wants a stiff partyphiles! Let loose!

6. Thou shall not smell like a bottle of perfume.

No self respecting partyphiles would want to smell like a person, even if s/he is sweating from all the dancing. All partyphiles smell like perfume; and not just any perfume, a hip new scent that is strong enough to last until the wee hours of the morning, but is mild enough that your friends can still talk to you without gagging. And please, if you still use CK1 or Cool Water, I suggest you stop. We don’t need anymore reminders of the 1990s. ‘Nuff said.

7. Thou shall stand out
Wear something outrageous, dance like a fool, give people make-believe strip teases, dance a la Coyote Ugly, or scream at the top of your lungs while dancing in the DJs booth. Whatever it is you choose to do, just do something to stand out. I promise you, your five minutes of “fame” will feel soo good, especially a tough week. There is something about letting lose and grabbing people’s attentions that is soo liberating

8. Thou shall not vomit.

Just because it is totally gross and smelly. There is nothing like vomit to instantly ruin your partyphiles status. When you feel like projectile vomit is in the near future, just stop drinking, stand still, suck on hard candy and tell someone about how you feel. Don’t just puke all over the place. Gross.

If you really feel like hurling out that night’s dinner, rush to the comfort room or, if you can’t make it there, the car park. Just do not, for the life of you, vomit inside the bar. EVER.

9. Thou shall not come to a gimikan alone.

When going out to party, always come with a buddy. Nothing is sadder than a partyphiles by his or her lonesome. You either give off the idea that you are looking for someone to take home for the night (which isn’t really a good way of presenting yourself. Usually people hide their motives first, try subtlety, dear partyphiles) or that you are just a lonely, friend-less person. Either way, its not so good.
The saying “the more the merrier” holds true in Partylandia.

10. Break all the rules.

Maybe even these commandments and you are sure to have fun, fun, fun!

Catch Confessions of a Partyphile—the radio show on 105.9 Mix FM, every Wednesdays, 6 to 9 PM.

For comments, suggestions, suggested topics, party invitations, hosting gigs and more confessions from this partyphiles, log on to

Thank you to Sony for giving me a new Cybershot W290! Love ya guys!