Friday, June 19, 2009
To All Young Partyphiles,
I know you have just started partying a couple of months back, and you are kind of enjoying the scene right now (although nothing truly exciting is really happening); and you probably even crave for more partying in the days to come, however I have noticed that you and your crowd still need to learn some tips when it comes to partying in DC, so here are some pointers every new partyphile needs to remember if they want to succeed in the partyphile world:
Hooking Up is Sooo Last Season
First of all, newbie partyphile, tell your friends that a bar is never a good place to look for relationships and hook-ups. Trust me, there are a lot of crazy drunks out there, and you do not want to get involved with those types of people.
Secondly, it is not very fashionable to be seen hooking-up with some random person in some random bar. You do not want to look like a love-beggar, do you? If you just answered “yes”, please stop partying; you are a total disgrace to us partyphiles.
I for one am trying to clean up the partyphile’s image. W have been looked down upon by elders and non-partyphiles in the past. It is good that you started partying at such a great time, New Partyphile, since it is all the fad now, and everyone from your generation seems to be doing it; however, I don’t think that the stigma that Partyphilia brings has been erased. People still think that is all we do—party, get drunk, go wild, and hook-up. Obviously that is not always true for everyone, but that is how society sees us; so please, if you could help it, do not make those stereotypes true. Do not hook-up in some lame bar.
Dress Up 2B Down
Always dress to impress (OMG I just used a cliché. Puke). Parties are supposed to be special events, dress up, present yourself properly, not because you want people ogling at you, but because we partyphiles want to up the fashion ante in the
When Inside a Bar
When inside a bar, remember never to puke, because even THAT has gone out of fashion. It is also a good idea to dance while in a club because, well, if you didn’t want to dance, you shouldn’t have entered one in the first place. Plus it makes you look like a stiff, unapproachable person. If you don’t know how to dance, sway from left to right, hop up and down, or just do whatever motion you feel comfortable doing. Maybe you could just keep walking so people wouldn’t realize you weren’t dancing?
However, if you dance too much, that could also be a crime. It is simple, really, just remember that those choreographed dance moves you see in RnB music videos (where the crooner or the divette (B-List diva) dance together with their whole entourage in the middle of the club), aren’t real. They ARE NOT supposed to be seen in a club. Do not copy their dance moves and practice it at home, so you could perform some routine in some club.
My new partyphile friend, just go with the flow, choreographed dance moves are gross… unless of course you go to this little bar (which also happens to be a Ballroom Dancer’s haven) along F. Torres Street, then you may be excused. Dance groups have battles there,a nd as long as they don’t start doing that in my favorite bars, well then, they’re excused. If you insist on choreographed dancing, visit that bar instead.
My novice partyphile, spending your whole week’s allowance on one gimmick night is never a good idea. Instead, plan your Saturnight-outs in advance and save up for that; or grab all the free drinks you can. Act like you own the room, and you deserve to be treated like royalty, and drinks will suddenly be magnetized towards you. Make sure you have enough charm and ask for a drink from someone. Extra tip: a gorgeous, sincere, smile is always irresistible (read: more people would want to send you drinks). Do floss.
New partyphile, I am devastated to be blowing your bubble, but the VIP area, is really only reserved for important people. If they say you can’t come inside, don’t try to bribe the bouncer or drop names, just say “thank you” and understand that your time will come. Once you have mastered the art of partying and creating connections, you will be invited to the VIP area, even without having to ask.
I have said this again and again and again, no self-respecting partyphile would want to smell like a person. You NEED to smell like a hip, new bottle of perfume, not body sweat, even when you are sweating.
And if you are in your early 20 to late 30s and still use Cool Water, Fahrenheit, or CK One, please spare our noses, and let the 1990s rest. Buy something new.
Drunky Little Do
Finally, don’t make a fool out of yourself and don’t act drunk. Act normally even when your innards want to explode, you breath reeks of alcohol, and your world has been spinning for the last 30 minutes. Or, just learn to manage your drinks better.
And if you still don’t know when to arrive or leave a party, always arrive when the party has already kicked off, and always leave at the peak of the party. That way, people will be looking for you before you arrive and when you leave. Dramatic entrance; even more dramatic exit.
Follow these little tips and you are sure to rock Partylandia, and make your Partyphile mentors.
With love (laced with Brandy),
The Ultimate Partyphile, Zhaun. J