Wednesday, December 31, 2008
wow..it really is the end of 2008..and i have experienced quite a lot this year.
i graduated last march. i entered law school, got the highest mark in the entrance exam for law school. i topped our first exam. and then i quit law school. i started singing in some local bars, and that was always exciting. i now have my own column in a local paper...and that brings me some sort of satisfactio. i have been writing for several websites, my article in you magazine will be released in this month's issue. i am now a dj and a tutor... i also worked for a hotel for a day.
all these seem like a big deal. when i read it on paper, it seems like i hav achieved a lot...but really...when i ook at myelf..it still is me..and no matter how many years pass, and how many great things happen...if it happens to you..it is just..underwhelming..
i am not great. in my mind i am not. and i probabaly will never be great, or the greatest at what i do...and i do a lot...
and i dont think thats a bad thing...that it is one way to stay grounded...but something ha happened to me..i have become unexcitable..i have become too "chill"...that is not to sya that i have become cool..im just always....steady...always relaxed...always unemotional..unexcitable..in a sens..i have become boring...
while the lifeim living is anything but that...it is pretty exciting...but i dont know..i have just become boring....and bored...with life..with love and with everything that comes along with it...i need a revolution..i need a radical change...what i need the most right now....
is a new year
although new year bringsa lot of food and get togethers...and im all for that..somehow, im not as excited as used to be..i dont know..call me crazy...but i think the partyphile is growing up...or he's just growing tired....
Thursday, December 25, 2008
It is Christmas morning but it doesnt seem like it is any different from all of my other mornings. It seems ordinary. Nothing is special today.
Most people would gather these pieces of information and conclude that today is quite different from any other day; one might even say today is special. Not me.
I feel like I have been here before. This tired-sleepy-full feeling is something I'm terribly familiar with. To me, nothing seems authentically new.
Yes, it is Christmas, the most special day of the year for the young-at-heart. However, I am still sitting beside myself wondering why I am not excited; why I do not feel giddy for this once-a-year happening.
And then I realize, this might be the effect of the cause we call maturity. Maybe all the good things we hear about Christmas is fluff. Maybe the real meaning of Christmas is not as deep and profound as everyone makes it to be? Maybe Christmas is reserved for the young-at-heart because the true meaning of Christmas is being excited about opening gifts. Some people would say this is the most childish reason for Christmas, but if you really think about it, aren't we all just victims of commercialism and fairytale-esque realities? Maybe the reason why I have stopped getting excited for Christmas is because I have chosen to stop being materialistic.
This year, I have no classmates to boast to, I did not have new pens to boast of, and quite frankly, I have ceased to feel the urge to boast.
I mean, they say Christmas is about family and giving, and rainbows, reindeer, and snow, and funny giant elves who creep into your home at night. But I live with my family, and we see each other everyday; and I do not need a special day just to appreciate what my family has, and what we share. And to whom should I give to? To my family and friends who have everything they need?
I don't know. I'm not quite sure about anything I just said, but my point is: the only reason I got excited for Christmas as a child was because I wanted to open gifts. Nothing more, nothing less.
Now I understand why Christmas is for kids. Unlike adults, they have the license to be materialistic, without being snubbed upon by society. And the good thing is, they do not even expect much. They take whatever material thing they are gifted with and treat it like it is the best gift they have ever received.
Welcome to the world of the Grinch.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
i dont know how i feel..maybe i need to get some rest..
i dont know..and i hate the feeling of not knowing...
and it is frustrrting when im in this state because there is always a part of that seeks to know everything i9 can..and when i dont know something that is an intrinsic part of who i am or the way i feel
i just dont feel like im zhaun
argh,...this just frustrates me
i mean...in this world where there are only a couple of things that you could really call your own and you really can be sure of..just losing anotheer one of those is painful
and....i dunno...just plain annoying
and thats is why time and again i love going out on gimicks
because there in the middle of the crowd..everything is sure..
you are sure to dance
you nare sure to have a great time
and you are sure that once you have gotten home...the gimik life will still be waiting for you with open arms
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
its 8n days before xmas and the season has brought the yuletide breeze as well..needless to say..im not feeling in tip top shape because of the sudden change in the weather..
and what makes it worse is that its 8 days before xmas..
and although i know its supposed to be a warm and fuzzy time for everyone..
i feel like something bad is looming...why?
because once again im going to spend christmas alone...
and why, do u ask, is this such a bad thing?
well..i dont know...but this has been a cycler for me..every christmas for me was spent alone
and im getting tired of it all...
why doesnt someone give me love on xmas day?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
It was almost Christmas time,
There I stood in another line
Trying to buy that last gift or two,
Not really in the Christmas mood.
Standing right in front of me
Was a little boy waiting anxiously,
Pacing round like little boys do,
And in his hands, he held a pair of shoes.
And his clothes were worn and old.
He was dirty from head to toe,
And when it came his time to pay,
I couldnt believe what I heard him say.
Chorus: Sir, I wanna buy these shoes for my momma please.
It's Christmas Eve and these shoes are just her size.
Could you hurry, Sir? Daddy says there's not much time.
You see, she's been sick for quite a while;
Know these shoes will make her smile.
Want her to look beautiful if Momma meets Jesus tonight.
He counted pennies for what seemed like years
Then the cashier said
Theres not enough here.
He searched his pockets frantically
Then he turned and he looked at me.
He said Momma made Christmas good at our house
Though most years she just did without.
Tell me, Sir, what am I gonna do?
Somehow Ive got to buy these Christmas shoes!
So I laid the money down; I just had to help him out
. And Ill never forget the look on his face
When he said Mommas gonna look so great!
I knew that I got a glimpse of heavens love
As he thanked me and ran out.
I knew that God had sent that little boy to remind me
What Christmas is all about.
Chorus in childrens voices
Young boy: I want her to look beautiful
If Momma meets Jesus tonight.
This is one of the saddest christmas songs i have ever heard..from one of the most prolific songwriters and most beautiful voices of our time: mariah carey
The fire is burning, The room's all aglow
Outside the December wind blows
Away in the distance the carolers sing in the snow
The world is celebrating
And everyone's so happy
Except for me tonight
Because I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right But then I miss you, most at Christmas time
I gaze out the window
This cold winter's night
At all of the twinkling lights
Alone in the darkness
Remembering when you were mine
The whole world is rejoicing
And everyone's embracing
Except for you and I
Baby I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right
But then I miss you, most at Christmas time
In the springtime those memories start to fade
With the April rain
Through the summer days
Till autumn's leaves are gone
I get by without you
Till the snow begins to fall
And then I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm all right...
But then I miss you, most at Christmas time
Confession for xmas:
aside from valentines..christmas is truly one of the saddest days to be alone..just like this song says
"Remembering when you were mine...Everybody's smiling...The whole world is rejoicing, And everyone's embracing.....Except for you and I"
Monday, December 15, 2008
i feel like this christmas is not going to be as exciting as it used to
i remmeber the dy in discovered that santa wasnt real..it broke my heart
and that probabaly was one major factor that lead me into somebody who did not get excited for the holidays..
i mena, christmas used to be magic. i used to like christmas because it gave me something to believe in. it taught me that nothing was really impossible, and that every llittle qwish you have may come true..and then i discovered santaa wasnt real..
santa's gift was the one thing that i looked forward to during the holidays...and the knowledge of the falsity of this magical gigantic elf...well..it just disapointed me
but..it was good while it lasted...
and that pretty much sounds like the chistmas im going to hjave this year..it seems like i had somethying real..but now...with a lil more conteplation..i discovered that, like sant, love during the holidays is just something that isnt really for me..
but, like the knowledge of santa...it was good while it lasted
i dont know how things will turn out..but, being my crazy self...i always expect the worst case
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I must admit, it took me a while to get into the Christmas spirit this year. I am a partyphile; giddy excitement was not an emotion I wanted to be associated with. I had carefully crafted my party persona, and I am nowhere near giving that up for some lame season. Somehow, I have become jaded after all those Christmases when I didn’t get the “it” gadget or wasn’t allowed to party as hard as I wanted to. I had always been one of those people who wanted to have a perfect Christmas; I expected everyone to be nicer, I expected to be showered with lavish gifts, I wanted Christmas to be, in a sense, all about me. My Christmas realities never lived up to my Christmas expectations, and that taught me to suppress my excitement for the season. Plus, getting excited for Christmas has ceased to be “cool”. The business student in me told me that Christmas bazaars, promos and packages were invented to gain extra income before the year came to a close. I was somewhat of a Christmas pessimist. Yes, I had suffered from the Grinch-syndrome.
But something sparked inside me when I saw that popular soft drink commercial on TV announcing that Christmas was indeed coming. It brought me back to the days of my childhood when all I expected was the privilege of opening presents come 12:01 of December 25. It had brought out the wide-eyed child in me, and I realized that this Christmas would be different.
This Christmas season, I was excited, I was giddy, I felt like a child waiting for the stroke of midnight. This Christmas I was the one who was nicer, I was the one who wanted to give gifts, and I was the one who wanted to feel and enjoy Christmas, even if it made me seem like I wasn’t “cool”. This Christmas, I swore not to pretend that I was all grown-up, because the season gave me a license to feel like a child again. I realized the power of Christmas to transform a jaded partyphile whose only joy is gimiks and alcohol into a five year old child who was content by the fact that people cared enough to actually buy him presents.
I realized that Christmas has indeed come, just like the TV commercial had announced, but this time it came in a different mode. It had not come because the latest gadgets were released, or because the malls were filled with Christmas trees; it did not come because our house was filled with presents, and the air waves blasted Christmas carols; it did not come because the TV commercial announced it or because there were Christmas bazaars everywhere.
Christmas had come because I welcomed it, I allowed it to; and I allowed myself to look at the world through my 5-year old eyes again.
And although the things that now make me happy are completely different from the stuff that I used to write in a letter to send to the North Pole; the meaning of Christmas has not changed. And I am glad to say that the idea of spending Christmas with the people who really matter still excites me.
Remember: being excited for Christmas does not cramp your style; it does not make you any less of a partyphile. It does not make you “un-cool”, it does not take away from your partyphile persona. This season, forget about what anybody else has to say and stick with what you know will make you happy. After all, joy and happiness have never gone out of style… no matter what season.
Confession # 15
I am writing this while staring at our Christmas tree, and I must admit: there is nothing better than thinking back on all those carefree Christmases in front of a fully decorated tree. Somehow all the sparkling lights relax me after a chaotic day. Maybe because it brings back the happiest days of my childhood… or maybe because they mimic lasers and disco lights and bring me back to the happiest days of my adult life? Who knows? All that matters is I have found the Christmas spirit again.
Friday, November 28, 2008
I have grown accustomed to the so-called traditions and shenanigans that go with the Christmas season; however, I have realized that my Christmases are fast becoming a time to schedule reunions and other nostalgic get-togethers. Being a partyphile, one would guess that I would be up for any, and every, get together, and to some extent, one would have guessed correctly.
However, it gets a little annoying to have to attend these little reunions with friends I have not met since last December. Don’t get me wrong; I would love to see them again, but where and when I see them… therein lays the problem.
You see, my High School clique has asked me every December, since graduating High School, if I wanted to attend our mini-reunions. After confirming my attendance,they proceed to ask me (even if they already have some place in mind), in a uniquely annoying manner like only they can, where I would want to meet them; and I would always tell them that I’d like to go to some club; get wasted, dance a little and laugh a lot.
At the back of my mind, I already know that they wouldn’t agree; clubs are much too crowded and noisy; there would be no chance for a proper conversation. Apparently, they feel the sudden urge to “catch up” and probably imply how well they have been doing in their chosen careers, their love life, and how huge their pockets have gotten.
I agree to meet them in some resto or café, knowing that I would, once again, waste hours of my precious time. You see, we have nothing in common anymore; we don’t go to the same High School, we don’t like the same stuff, we almost always, have nothing to talk about, heck, we don’t even live in the same island! Instead of actually having a good time with my High School buddies, my Christmas season turns into one big, boring, and uneventful reunion. And most of this I attribute to the wrong choice of location to hold our reunions.
If there is one thing I realized from attending too many pathetic reunions, it is the fact that the impressions you make on your friends last until the next December reunion, so make wiser choices when dealing with “long lost” friends, go for something unexpected, and realize that “catching up” doesn’t have to mean long, dwindling hours of senseless conversation.
People often ask me why I feel the need to suggest a reunion in some noisy bar, when I already know that my friends would turn the idea down. I never felt the need to explain myself, but the truth is: I’m still hoping that maybe this Christmas, they would finally agree. Why?
Because there, in the middle of some loud bar, where uninteresting and sometimes boastful, hypocritical conversations are not possible, I realize who among my High School clique have remained to be my friends.
Who shares a seat with me?
Who tells me I have had enough to drink?
Who rubs my back while I’m hurling out vomit in some public (eeew) toilet?
Who texts me a couple of minutes after, just to check if I arrived home safely?
All these questions lead me to discover who have remained to be my friends, in the truest sense of the word… and isn’t that one of the best gifts one could receive this Holiday season?
So go on partyphiles, spread the cheer and the beer this Christmas and have a no-holds-barred night-out with those long-lost friends!
‘Tis the Season to Be Jolly, But Don’t Forget About that Beer Belly- Fearless forecast for 2009? Cocktails are back in, and beer is definitely out. Stay ahead of the fad and throw a cocktail party this season. After all, no body wants to gain a beer belly right around Noche Buena. All you need is some cocktail recipes (which are soooo easy to find online), a few good spirits and syrups, buckets of ice, festive glasses, and you are good to go! Inviting kids over? Prepare mocktails—non-alcoholic cocktails are the perfect way to let the kids in on some adult fun without suffering from what we grown-ups call “hangovers”.
Dress Up- Have a costume party! Who says costumes are reserved for Halloween? Make the Holidays more fun by requiring guests to don costumes. There are a lot of themes to choose from: Santa costumes, winter clothes, all-white parties, and you could even pull off a Hollywood themed Christmas party. It’s your party, your call!
Exclusively for Christmas- Reserve some cool bar for your friends. Nothing is more festive, and more hassle-free than throwing a party in some bar. Haven’t got that much of a budget? Look for some obscure, but cool bar around the metro and you’d be surprised at how far your Php10, 000.00 would go.
Booze Luck- Have a meager budget? Why don’t you and your friends have booze luck? It’s the boozed up version of “pot luck”, the only difference being, the guests come with different types and kinds of alcohol instead of the usual foods. Trust me: people are getting tired of your “special” spaghetti.
Munchies- There are a lot of creative things that you could serve in cocktail parties; just remember to prepare light but flavorful finger or skewer foods. Get festive and skewer up some Keso de Bola and Jamon de Bola pieces. You could also try cherry and chocolate skewers or little Chinese ham finger sandwiches. Take it to the next yuletide level by serving them up in Holiday themed trays. Don’t forget to get Christmas themed napkins and table cloths as well!
Christmas Air- Alright, everybody is tired of hearing those old classic Yuletide tunes they play in every mall, in every city, in every country. Twist it up a bit and play the new classics like Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You”, Destiny’s Child’s “8 Days of Christmas”, Britney Spears’ “Santa Won’t You Bring Me”, N’Sync’s “Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays”, and Chrsitina Aguilera’s “Xmas Time”. These tracks are festive but a tad bit more modern than those of Nat King Cole’s.
Ball It Up- Need a new centerpiece? Try putting some red and green or white Chrsitmas balls in a fish bowl, add a velvet ribbon, and voila! An instant Christmas masterpiece! Want to earn a little more Santa points? Purchase some dry ice from any of our local ice plants and put some in a small glass filled with water in the middle of the fish bowl before filling it with Christmas balls. The white smoke cascading over the Christmas balls looks cool, interesting and definitely unique!
With all these tips, you are sure to throw the best and most interesting Christmas party, this side of the Phillies. But remember, creativity is the key, heed my suggestions but add your own flair to that party and make your Partyphile Papa proud!
I could always suggest new ideas for your parties, little partyphile, but whenever I throw my own soiree, I always keep in mind, that the most important ingredient to any party, is the crowd you invite. So forget office politics, little disagreements, or family feuds; invite those who really matter to you, because a party is never is never fun unless you enjoy it with the ones closest to you.
So go on my partyphile friend, throw the best party this season, and remember: the best people deserve the best parties!
1.) Thou shall not gain a gazillion pounds- The food is always extra-indulgent during this season, and Jamon de Bola seems to pop up everywhere you go, but this does not give you the license to forget about your weight. You have been dieting all year and this is not the time to stop. Just think of how you’ll look in all those Christmas photos! Remember: though it is the season to be jolly, it is NOT the season to totally forget about your belly.
2.) Thou shall not be grumpy this season- Everybody hates the grinch. Why? Because he is always grumpy and tries to ruin the spirit of Christmas. Why? Because he is an insecure little snob with too many emotional problems; no shrink could probably fix him. We don’t notice it sometimes, but we too may have the tendency to act like the Grinch, and you don’t want to be the Christmas spoiler now, do you? Be a little nicer, greet everyone with a smile, and just spread the holiday cheer.
3.) Thou shall party a little harder- Come on. Your close friends are sure to be in the mood to party a little harder this holiday season. Go with the season and party a little harder, dear reader. And I’m not just talking about partying more often, just try to be in a more festive mood and enjoy everybody’s company. After all, everyone is always a couple of bucks richer come Christmas time.
4.) Thou shall not break the bank- It is true that it is the thought that truly counts, if you do not have a budget to buy everyone special to you a gift this season, then write them a sincere Holiday card. I am sure they will appreciate it much more. And please do not ever recycle gifts. Its just plain gross. One should give gifts not for duty, not for reciprocity, and not for personal satisfaction; one should give for the sheer joy of giving.
5.) Thou shall not dress in red and green- Horrendous. Who in their right mind would dress up like a Christmas tree? Red and green is reserved for Christmas ornaments, not your clothes. Give everyone a favor and please do not don holiday colors. Its just not cool.
6.) Thou shall let out thou’s inner child- Christmas time is the perfect time to remember the simples things and life and to see the world through the eyes of a child. Remember the greatest gifts you have: family, friends, and the maturity that partying may be guilt-free.
7.) Thou shall not have false idols- PSPs, iPhones and MacBooks are not the things that make up Christmas. Remind yourself that the novelty and gratification you will get from these gadgets will only last until the New Year. Think of what really matters, and you are sure to cut your Christmas wish list in half.
8.) Thou shall self indulge- Christmas is a time for loving, yet most of us forget to love ourselves a little bit more during the holidays. So self-indulge and do what you really want. Go to the beach, have a massage, buy yourself that thing you have been eyeing for so long. Now is the perfect time to give yourself what you deserve, even if it is a little capricious. After all, if you aren’t going to look out for yourself, nobody else will.
9.) Thou shall spend Christmas happily alone- Spending Christmas alone isn’t something to feel bad about; one can do so much more than just mope around at home while playing sappy Christmas songs and indulging in self pity. One does not have to feel bad about not being able to, or not wanting to, spend Christmas time with their family. If there is one thing that watching too many re-runs of Sex and the City has taught me, it is that you could choose to spend any joyous moment with the family you born in, or the family you choose to make for yourself. So gather everyone you know who can’t be home for the holidays and spread the yuletide cheer. After all, the real essence of Christmas is not found in the people you choose to spend it with; it is about being happy, no matter what.
10) Thou shall keep the “Christ” in Christmas- We often think of Christmas and remember Old Saint Nick; but Santa Claus and gift-giving sometimes distracts us into thinking that this holiday is really about Christ. I am not trying to be preachy here, and I certainly am in no position to give you readers a lecture on religion; but all I ask is for every partyphile to step back a little, and for once, give the spotlight to the person who really matters this season: Jesus the Christ.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
i hope ur all still alive though
keep in touch and im gonna post some soon
hope you enjoy my new entries...im in a completely new situation and its fun!
hope to write about it soon...
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
that just makes me think....
no matter how hard i try to convince myself that im a toughie, reality is, a simple sorry or gift or gesture is enough to melt my heart and forget everything someone has done to me....if and when i still like that person
but once i realize how i dislike or distrust a person...well...nothing s/he can do can make me feel the way i used to...
im talking about friends here....
Monday, November 3, 2008
this is my comfort wear, as all you loyal readers know by now.
and for the first time in a very very long time, i truly feel at ease.
i mean.. good things have been happening.
i just came from a tutorial session that pays pretty good. i am in my second week of training as a DJ in one of the best radio stations in davao.
i have just submitted an article for my column in edge (newspaper).
i have just received my topic for this week's project. this is for my web content writing stint.
and im just waiting for pescado (a locl bar and grill) to call me. i will soon have regular gigs there
so..if bein g out of law school feels this great...
trhen i wish i had left earlier
if i didnt leave law school at the time i eft it..i probabaly would not have had time to assess my life and what i really wanted to do with it..
now, i can express myself through my music, my writing, and my mouth (for talking, not singing this time)
aaah..what na life
everyone wants to be heard...and i am one of the few people who can actually do that
Sunday, November 2, 2008
um. my life has now become the positive. i mean, i quit law school and sobbed for that for a while, but wenough about that.
and then my bopss decides that he does not want me to work part time for him, and that crushed me as well.. and im like, now this is a bomb. that would have paid good, and it was a pretty decent job (well aside for the content which happened to be sexually explicit) and so i thought that i was lost and what not.
but now, i think that was the best thing thast happened to me. because of quitting law school and because my boss did not accept my proposal to work part time (i guess its good bye to my dreams of purchasing a laptop), i had the courage to do so0mething i really really wanted to do: become a Dj.
and getting there was not that tough a road. i just called the station, i was interview for a couple of minutes the enxt day and had started my training. now, i just survived a week's worth of technicalitites (it is surprisingly very very very technical) but i enjoyed it sooo muuch.
its so fresh and new, and lets face it, its one of the coolest jobs on earth. right? right.
anyways...it does not pay much, but who cares? i mean... i don't but i ahd to make ends meet as well. so i asked a friend of mine (jenny) to look for a tutee for me. so now i am also a tutor. i tutor this korean kid named Epiphanio. his mom says he is very naughty but we'll see tomorrow when i finally start handling him.
what else? oh! my thrid article for edge newspaper was just published,. and im expecting to get paid for m6y article in You magazine pretty soon. and the issue where my first article for You magazine will be released this month. so happy happy joy joy.
and this month of november...thjis marks my official start as a vocalist. i mean i used to sing before, but starting this november, im going to have regular gigs at pescado.
also, karla singson has just given me a new job. web content writing as well. pays the same as my [porn writing stint, but its more morally acceptable...
so there..imk juggling (or will be juggling) 5 jobs starting this month
i am now a columnist--DJ--tutor--Web content writer-- vocalist-- partyphile!
and im kinda scared. scared that i might bge taking on too much...but then again, when you like what you do, it bnever seems too much...
Saturday, October 25, 2008
but in those significant moments in your life when you say goodbye, and really mean it; when you say it and deeply, truly believe it with every part of your being, it becomes one of the most significant words in your life. for me, it became the theme of my day.
i should know.
i just came home from the ateneo; i had an exam earlier, and i finished it pretty early (at around 3:30). but i stayed there until 6 pm. somehow, the fact that i was staying in campus was comforting to me, that way i did not really have to face the reality that i will never bcome a student of the ateno again.
nope. i did not graduate. this just happened to be the last day of my journey as a law student. and as i was sharing my last cigarette as a law student with my good friend lara, i realized that maybe, i did not have to say goodbye. but its too late for maybes now. i have made my decision.
when i decided to stop law school, i never thought of the gravity of that decision. i thought i was elaving behind all those late nights studying for an exam, all those lectures that seemed to drag on until forever, and all those terms that i never understood.
but reality struck as i was sitting there, all alone, on the stairs leading to the roxas gate. and it was poetic. i was sitting on the stairs and had my back turned to the ateneo. and this was exactly what was happening in my life right now.
i was leaving, no... i had eft the ateneo. the institution where i discovered my talents in singing, writing, and my most special talent--connecting with people. it was in this institution where i built my dreams, this is where i realized the joys of drinking and merry-making after difficult exams. this is where i made real friends, in the mature sense of the word.
i was not leaving the hardships that came with law school, i was leaving my life as a student, and as a depressing bonus... i was leaving my friends behind as well...
earlier today, i said y goodbyes to my classmates. some, like aminah and jars, i talked to, i mean, really talked to, for the first time since the start of the sem. and i realised that aminah and i share the same passion in house music. but then i said good bye to them for the very last time. it was ironic. i hated myself for not getting to know them better. after i had ended my first real conversation with them, i said goodbye, knowing that that was the last time i was going to talk to them.
and then there was dats. my other classmates and i will be going out ater tonight to drink. that will be my last goodbye with thyem as well. however, dats could not come, and he had a good reason why. while i was watching him, while he was walking to the nearest gate (to go home), i felt a twitch in my stomach. i wanted to get to know him more. he seemed interesting, and we shared a lot of the same opinions, and i just like people who can laugh at anything. and so... my final goodbye to him was never said...it was spent watching him leave the campus.
braggy, could not come because of prior engagements. like dats, my final goodbye to her was her image walking towards roxas gate. she does not know this, but i was looking at her until she reached the gate, almost whispering the faintest goodbye in my mind.
and then there were still some of my classmates i had not even talked to yet. that was the saddest part of all. what im trying to say is that im going to miss these people, not because i was sooo close with them, not because i had shared with them everything about me, not because they were my bestfriends, but because they weren't.
what made me sad was the fact that i was leaving some of the most interesting people behind, without really knowing them. without really getting closer to them, without really having a chance to tell them about my life, without really knowing if we could be bestfriends given a couple more years together.
and the uncetrtainty of it all... that made my goodbyes even sadder
yes. everyone says that goodbye is a sad word...but the truth is, when i said my "hellos" to my classmates this afternoon... it truly felt sadder than goodbye...because once again, i was getting a taste of something i know, i will ultimately never have.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
well he says its a negative...
so...surprise surprise mr zhaun ortega! its time to look for another job!
now im scared. i dont have a job, and i dont have law school. i have no where to go. scare-dom here i come!
but then..whenever a door closes....a window opens, right?
basta..i need to be optimistic for my sanity ...
even if its not cool
i wanna get mad. im mad. but i have no reason to be
Last nighht, i lay in bed and i was scared. I have never felt so much emotion and it bothered me. I almost wanted to cry, and that is a pretty big deal for someone who does not even cry at funerals. i imagined my life after law school; what is there to do? my boss still has not decided or even akcnowledged the question of my status as a writer. i want to be a full-time web-content writer but everytime i ask him if i could work full-time, he simply does not reply. this is stressing me out soooo much. i do not know if i need to look for another job, oir hope that my boss will finally make me a full-time writer. this is frustrating.
of course, there is always singing. i will soon have regular gigs scattered throughout the week, and i guess this will keep me busy. but this is also somewhat a distraction. if i did not love to sing, i could accpet any job that comes my way. however, because i am now a regular performer in one of the local establishments, my choices for possible jobs are limited.
and then i remembered that this is exactly the reason why i tried law school out. because life outside the academe is so unpredictable, i did not any control over anything that happened, is happening, or will happen with my professional life. so now im thinking of going back to law school, just to avoid this uncertainty. but i tell myself i must not. i wil not be as weak as i was last june.
i will follow my dreams this time. unfortunately, i do not know whjat those dreams are yet, but i will, somehow, reach them...
although it is very tempting to go back to law school and be a student again, becoming a lawyer has to be a dream of mine.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Here’s the deal. You are an average student. You enjoy partying more than school (duh!). You know Davao like the back of your hand. In a sense, you are me.
You’re drowning in projects, and you’re stressed like shit. You need to enjoy. Tonight, just like every other Saturday night, you’ve set out a plan. You have gathered all your closest friends and you’ve donned your fabulous gimmick outfit and you’re ready to live it up. This is your itinerary.
First, you go to the Venue Compound-- the safe haven for the “older” crowd. You choose to visit the Venue Compound first because it’s pretty peaceful, they open earlier than other party places and there are a lot of interesting establishments (KTV Bars, Restos, Coffee shops etc) in the area. You enjoy a scrumptious Korean Meal at Ab Gu Jung and then get your fill of local comedy at Laugh Tough while drinking the cheapest beer in town at twenty pesos a bottle. You decide to pass on the Venue bar, a huge two story building with an in-house coffee shop, a massive dance floor and a live band. The Venue bar used to be the biggest in the country, but now that your friends’ parents are regulars, you only visit the bar when Manila-based artists hold concerts there.
You then transfer to Bacbac at F. Torres Street. You order some ice-cold, brain-freeze inducing, frost-encrusted frozen beer. You urge your friends who haven’t tried it to give it a taste. The beer in itself is an experience. You remind your self that this is the only way to drink beer. You enjoy seeing all your other friends and schoolmates here. Like you, they prefer to get their fill of booze and grilled fare here before moving to the Wheels and More Drive Compound.
When you get to Wheels and More Drive you suddenly feel like you’re under-dressed. You shrug it off. You remind yourself that Davaoenos just don’t care. You survey the bars. You choose from Brugger’s Café (they serve great pizzas), Hypnotiq (posh interiors and a billiard table) and Urban Club (the current crowd favorite).
You decide to go to Urban Club. You pay a hundred bucks to get in. They give you a stub for two free drinks. You take notice of the music. The DJ is serving up great music tonight, as always. You approach the bar to claim your drinks. You appreciate the crowd of students and yuppies. You realize this is where all of gorgeous Davao has been hiding. The DJ has stopped mixing some tunes. There is now a live band that plays house music. They are great. You go out to get some air and again scout the premises. Yes. This is where all the cool people go.
You check the time and realize it is three in the morning. You transfer to Rizal Promenade and get inside 183. They have stopped asking for an entrance fee since it is beyond three in the morning. You step inside and realize the whole bar has transformed into a dance floor. Someone grabs your ass from behind. You turn around and remember that this is the favorite cruising spot among the gay crowd. Also, there are a lot of foreigners and non-locals. You dance a little until you realize you are too sleepy. You regret not hooking up with that cutie in Urban Club.
As you lay in bed (after puking your guts out) you plan out next week’s schedule. You are too drunk to function. You turn the television off. You remember you have a project due on Monday. This Saturday was uneventful. You have to check out some other bar next week. You still regret not hooking up with that cutie in Urban Club.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
1. Gimmick Night- You should have expected this. My column would not be called “Confessions of a Partyphile” if I did not really enjoy parties. Go out on an all out, no holds barred gimmick night. But, if most of your friends are swingles (single and willing to mingle) mix it up. Tell your male friends to bring one single female friend and vice versa. That way, everyone will be paired up, and if you don’t see anyone you fancy, at least you’ll have a female friend in tow.
2. Paintball- Try paintball. Although I can’t say that it is pain free (I’ve been hit a couple of times in parts of my body I’d rather keep private), it is a lot of fun and is very exciting. Also, this will give you and your friends a different kind of bonding experience.
3. Plan a Road trip- Tired of all the beaches in Davao? Go on a road trip to wherever your money takes you! You can go as far as Cagayan de Oro and check out the night life there, or you could go somewhere closer like Tagum or even just Toril. What’s important is you bring some good music, good food, good moods and great friends!
4. Zip line- Try the longest zip line in the Philippines at Camp Sabros. I heard it’s really exciting and the price is not that bad either. Make sure though that every one is in the mood for a long hike. You have to walk quite a bit to get there.
5. White Water Rafting- This is a really fun activity, and will probably add some notches in your cool meter. Post your pictures in Friendster or Multiply, and they are sure to garner a lot of comments. Now doesn’t that sound good?
6. Scale the Mountain- Come on. You aren’t a true Davaoeño unless you’ve scaled the heights of the highest peak in the Philippines-Mt. Apo. If it’s your first time to climb a mountain, you will find that it is a very rewarding experience. Just remember to bring thick socks and an even thicker jacket.
7. Stay Indoors- Stay indoors and have a DVD marathon. Gather all your friends for some male bonding over a movie and some pop-corn. Try guy flicks such as Fight Club and Rocky or rent some comedies like American Pie or Austin Powers. Want more laughs? Try the Jackass series and gross yourselves out.
Always remember guys: It does not matter what you do, how much you spend or where you go; what matters is that you made time to bond with your friends outside the confines of school. Also, give yourself a favor and enjoy the fact that you are doing nothing. After all, a real partyphile always knows when to sit back, relax and smell the roses.
Food and Drinks
Obviously those monster cookies are used too much in Halloween parties to compensate for the host’s lack of creativity. However, there are a lot of great ideas for adult Halloween parties that are not too tongue-in-cheek. Here are some of my favorites:
Muddy Worms- Buy extra large frosted cupcakes or a birthday cake and simply top them with crushed chocolate cookies (so they look like dirt) and then top them with gummy worms. This is an inexpensive way to give your desert a festive look.
Gooey Slime Punch- Make some lemonade and then dye it green with food coloring. You could add pieces of green gelatin to add to the slimy effect. Of course, you could add soda or champagne to make it even more festive and bubbly.
Floating Hands- This is something to put inside your punch bowl, or in the middle of your Gooey Slime Punch. Simply fill some rubber gloves with water and then tie a secure knot at the end. After freezing, peel off the glove and watch your icy hand float in the middle of your punch bowl.
Jello Shots- Who does not love jello shots? Simply prepare black and orange jello as instructed in the package, and then right before placing them in little shot glasses, mix in about a cup of vodka.
Frozen Insects- If you are serving drinks with ice cubes, it might be a good idea to fill those ice trays with plastic insects before [putting water and freezing them. Not so sure about putting plastic stuff in your drinks? Raisins will work as well. They look creepy (all crunched up and black) but they are edible.
Candies by the Door- No matter how old your guests are they will surely appreciate treats by the door. So fill a huge bowl with candies from your childhood like Tarzan gum or Tootsie Rolls. Mix them up with some Halloween inspired goodies as well.
Pitch In- Ask your friends to bring their own spooky treats and food. Waiting for the food is equally as exciting as waiting for your friends to arrive. Get ready for some unusual treats. Need some tips? Make a squid pasta. The ink in the squid gives it a dark black sauce, plus, it tastes great.
Not everyone is comfortable with dressing up for a Halloween party, especially when your guests are adults. However, this really adds an element of fun in your party. Remember: costumes do not have to be scary to be fun. Here are other options:
Hats Off- If your friends are the type who would not want to dress up for Halloween, change the rules. You could require them to wear hats only. You could always take it off once you feel silly about it.
Coupled- You could also require your guests to dress up as couples. This would make some guests feel more comfortable with what they have on when they have someone else to share the embarrassment with.
Era- You could also suggest costumes form a particular era like the 60s, 50s or 70s.
Setting the Mood
The most important part for the success of a Halloween party is the atmosphere of the venue. You should consider decorating your place to give it a different look. This adds to the novelty of the occasion.
Mood Lighting- You could cover your light bulbs with blue or red plastic cellophane to give it an eerie look. If you want to go the extra mile, use black lights and then scatter some glow in the dark insect around the house.
Not-So-Comforting Room- Bathrooms are probably the most overlooked part of the house when decorating for an occasion. Fill yours with candles and glow in the dark insects or skeletons.
Centerpiece- Need a centerpiece? Simply place orange and black Christmas balls inside a fish bowl. This looks festive but still sophisticated and chic.
Music- Remember that music is a very effective way to affect the mood of any crowd. If you are throwing an 80s party, you might want to play some “Thriller” or the theme from “Ghostbusters”. If you are more of a modern crowd, you might want to play “Sex, Drugs and House” (which features the voice of a spooky Devil) and Tracks from Infected Mushrooms. You could also try playing songs from those Gregorian Monks; they always seem to creep me out.
Scary Movie Marathon- This is not only fun, it will keep some of your shy friends pre-occupied so you won’t have to sweat entertaining them. The Exorcist is always a sure bet, also try new favorites like The Grudge and The Eye.
Remember: Careful panning is the key for any successful party. Prepare as much as you can before the actual party so you could relax during the party and attend to your guests instead of stressing about the food, the decors and the music. So invite those friends, think of a theme for your party and prepare a handful of ghost stories. Get ready for a wonderful Halloween party little partyphile!
Yes. Coffee for Peace (or C4P) is not just another coffee shop. It has a pretty interesting back story behind it. Located along MacArthur Hiway in Matina, right smack in the middle of Davao City, C4P has a lot of different advocacies.
For one, they try to help build peace among Mindanaoans. Their ultimate goal is for the Bangsamoro people, the migrants (basically, most of the Christian community) and the Lumads (indigenous people from Mindanao) to start building a healthier relationship between themselves. They strive for peace, and hope that one day, these three “tribes” may see each other eye to eye and start acknowledging each other’s presence and importance. For this purpose, part of Coffee for Peace’s income goes to PAR (Peace and Reconciliation) Teams who are being trained to be agents of peace in Mindanao.
Coffee for Peace also gets their coffee from B’laans. B’laans are indigenous people from Mount Matutum in South Cotabato. C4P purchases raw coffee from these B’laans at a fair price, that is, at a price that these Lumads want to get in return for their hard work.
Coffee for Peace is also friendly to our environment. They support the natural and traditional way of coffee farming, and they even have a solar-powered air conditioning system.
They also sell products like fudge bars from women who want to earn extra income and beautiful cloths hand-woven by women from Maguindanao. Also, scattered around the shop are products made by different Lumad tribes that are both interesting and useful.
Obviously, C4P, unlike most coffee shops in other key cities in the country, is not main stream. It is unconventional, not commercial. Coffee for Peace is like food for the soul. Their story warms the heart and the ambience feeds the artist in everyone. Their interiors are interesting; they seem to take you back to your native roots while managing to remain current. Their innovative furnishings (a basket for catching fish, repurposed as a lamp? Pure genius!) and wonderful use of native products make the place interesting and quirky.
Their menu is simple, no none-sense. But that does not mean that it’s boring. One of their best sellers, the Cifra ala Mode is a cool mix of citrus, coffee and cool fun. This one-of-a-kind creation by head barista, Ibrahim Balone, won as the best Cold Espresso Concoction in last year’s NCCC Culinary Festival. And it truly deserves the title. It is just simply unique and unexpected.
The best item in their menu, however, is their Civet coffee. You can not visit Coffee for Peace without trying their Civet coffee. Yes. Everybody has heard about this infamous cuppa. Civet coffee is the most expensive coffee in the world, and you can get it here, for just 160 pesos. Now isn’t that a deal! Civet coffee is the coffee drinker’s dream. It is aromatic, has less caffeine, has a full body, and goes down smooth. As an added bonus, they serve their civet coffee in a siphon, a contraption for steeping coffee. Watching the coffee move up and down as the siphon creates a vacuum is an experience by itself. Other must tries are their Beef Shpeherd’s Pie (they do not serve any pork dishes) their flower teas (they literally put flowers in a huge glass pot) and their tuna melt.
The quaint shop feels homey and un-intimidating, the staff is friendly and they just make you feel welcome. And that is what Coffee for Peace does best. Whether you are a student from nearby Ateneo de Davao, a coffee connoisseur, an artist, an ex-pat, a member of the military, the MILF, or maybe even, a budding journalist, you feel welcome in Coffee for Peace.
In this country where main stream coffee shop franchises that lack personality and depth reign supreme, this truly Filipino coffee shop goes against the grain and proves, once again, that the Filipino is the master of hospitality and truly great cuisine.
Did you know?
-Civet Cofee is made from Civet (or Alamid) feces! Yes. Civets eat coffee berries but they do not digest the coffee beans. B’laans look for Civet feces in caves around Mt. Matutum and clean them for roasting.
-Civet Coffee is the most expensive in the world selling between $120 and $600 USD per pound, we can buy it locally for around 11,000 Philippine Pesos.
-Coffee for Peace uses Arabica beans from South Cotabato and other parts of the Philippines
-Arabica beans are the best commercially grown species of coffee, with a very strong aroma and very minimal caffeine content (with 12 milligrams of caffeine per gram of dry coffee)
Thursday, October 16, 2008
however, one of our topics (which strangely ranged fromemotional distress to anime to porn) struck me. it was about being taken forgranted. and i realized, actually my friendf made me realize that this is something that a lot of people go through.
here is what i think about it:
i was in my friend's shoes a couple of years back. i felt like i was tken forgranted by people i held so close to my heart. and it truly creates a strain in the relationship.
but then after everything i had gone through, i realized that iwas not actually taken forgranted. i was actually expecting too much, and this was because i, too, was giving too mjuch
i did not just give my time to friends, i had invested my everything. i gave them my time, my money, my thoughts, my emotions. everything i had was theirs... and whenever they needed me i would be there for them in a heartbeat.
so you could just imagine how ad i felt when i was the one in need of some suppoert...and there was nobody there to comfort me..
and so, once again, the partyphile's world crashed. what i did was to cling to people who were, like me, partyphiles. so i did not have to invest in them wemotionally. i just needed to be the fun person i was pretending to be. but then i realized that gimik friends fremain friends up until you are in the club. after that, you are on your own. they arent friends, they are partypghiles.
so i grew up and i realized that i needed to face this problem. i was not going to be somebody who was going to be taken forgranted forever.
what i realized is that, i should not expect so much. i should not expect as much as i give. actually, i should not give that much. the key is to find people who appreciate whatever it is that i am capable of giving. because i would never again give everything to someone. that just makes me vulnerable
and that is how i turned out this way: jaded, bruised, toughened up and, numb.
after all that i have learned im still in doubt if the better decision is to give everything and risk being vulnerable or eing emotionallty absent and risk making true connections with people...
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
ganito. may katxtmate me now na taga davao. he said na kami na daw. baby tawag nya sakin. he said that he likes me daw. and that he wants to be with me. we havent met each other yet. he wants to visit me here sa metro manila. but since he is unemployed, gusto nya, ako sasagot sa lahat ng gastos. if u were on my shoes, what will u do? would u spend for him? or what?
haha...eeew..he sounds like a gold digger to me..
my advice is: dont ever think that a text relationship is serious.it never is.
because, once the clephone is tuerned off, you are excluded from his world...you cease to be part of everything he is about. when his sim is lost, suddenyl you are nothing but a memory. when his battery is low, you are nothing but something to look forward to. you are never a concrete human. your personality to him is tantamount to mere letters. meaningless messages. you are the answer to his desperate cry for companionship.
and if ever you decide to meet him, please dont ever spend anything on the guy! dinner or a movie is fine..but eeew..not plane fare and accomodations..
explain to him that you do not have extra cash on hand and that he needs to save up if he really wants to visit you. if he really loves you, he will use you as motivation to get a job and save up for that trip.
and do not expect him to be the same as he is in text. people are always different as who they try to project themselves to be in cyberlandia..
partyphile says: don't drop him just yet. enjoy what you get from this relationship. u must admit he is a good solution for boring hours. so dont get emotionally attached if that is his only purpose: to help you escape boredom.
altrthough i find it totally baduy having a text mate...the idea that there is someone out there who does not REALLY know you, yet likes you enough for the sole reason that s/he likes ur personality seems romantic to me...
that way people like you, ultimately for who you are...and not just for the way you look, the stuff you have, or how much money you make...
Monday, October 13, 2008
i had arrived home, fresh from an exam on criminal law.
i had just eaten my dinner.
i had a piece of baby back ribs, 3 donuts, a cheese cupcake and some cadbury hot chocolate.
this was a typical dinner for me.
less meat, no rice, a lot of dessert.
i took a shower. i adjusted the water.
i always shower with warm water.
i put on my boxers and a huge shirt that had a big hole at the seems. this was my comfort wear.
i should have felt comfortable, smoking my last cigarette for the evening.
but as i was smoking the last puff i realized that i was doing nothing. i was just staring at nothingness. i was staring blankly into space.
once again i found myself thinking too much.
tonight, i should be comfortable.
i should feel at ease.
i had just finished an exam, i have only two more exams to go and about two weeks before my last exam. i had only 4 days in actual class.
i had only four days left in law school.
i had only four days left to spend with my friends.
and even though i should have been comfortable that evening, the truth that i had just four days with my classmates bothered me.
and it bothered me too much.
i did not enjoy my stay in law school. i guess, it was just not my calling.
nobody ever expected me to finish law school anyway. everybody thought i was too carefree to follow everything that law school required me too. everybody thought i did not have the brains for law school, or if i did, i didnt have the attitude for it. everybody thought that i was just wasting my tim and money, they thought that once again, i wa being the little brat that everybody knew me to be.
and you know what? after five months in law school...i
have proved that.....
... everybody was right.
i did not have what it took to finish law school. my guts spat it out. i couldnt take all the constrictions, all the rules and the prohibitions. somehow, i never felt that i could truly express myself in law school.and that made me restless. it made me search for my true passions. i guess i entered law school to prove to everybody that i COULD do it.
i got one of the highest (if not the highest score in the entrance exams). i got a score of 98%. i got a perfect mark on the second part of the exam. i took a separate IQ test which told me i could be a lawyer.
and somehow, this convinced me that i had what it took to finish law school. but i soon discovered that law took more than jut practical knowledge. although i may have had the capacities to finish law, i never had the heart to do so.but now that im quitting; i have given my naysayers another reason to see me negatively.
but i dont care right now. that has ceased to be important to me. what matters to me now, the reason for my deep pondering, the reason why i am, again, staring blankly into space is my friends. the friends i have made in law school
and although i have never showed them how much i cared for them, i really ,really do. i care for most of them; even the people who i do not really talk to.
they are all really fun and they are all nice to be with and i appreciate the fact that they respect my individualism and that that they are really welcoming and approachable and that they really do not compete with each other. these people are really a ciommunity. of course there are certain groups/cliques/barkadas, but nobody in the class has acted negatively towards me. i truly believe that none of them dislike me...and if they do..they better keep mum about it
argh..once again im typing too much, its sounding pointless...
what i wanna say is
i will miss my friends..i will miss them in a magnitude they probabaly do not understand. after all, the only thing they are gonna lose is me. i, on the other hand, will lose a whole class of wonderful people..
i will miss them. i will miss their smiles. i will miss the laughter. i will miss it all.
i hope that after im gone, they learn to appreciate each other more, and appreciate the moments they have together. i will never have those moments with them again. so i hope they learn to appreciate what il never have
i think il shed a tear after our last exams. i do not know why, but these people are close to my heart.
its probabaly true what they say: that people who are with you in times of trouble and hardship will always remain close to ur heart
and thast was what law school has been for me. a constant struggle. and im glad that i had some of the most wonderful people to share it with.
so even though i try to act cool all the time, and try to look like i never care; i'd risk it one time. il cry my heart out when i finally leave my classmates who have become more than classmates...they have become friends.