what i need most

im at work right now..its 15 minutes before i do my boardwork and im..underwhelmed? idont know..i expected to receive something today and ididnt..and it jjust complicates my life all over again...boring days...here i come

anyways...

wow..it really is the end of 2008..and i have experienced quite a lot this year.
i graduated last march. i entered law school, got the highest mark in the entrance exam for law school. i topped our first exam. and then i quit law school. i started singing in some local bars, and that was always exciting. i now have my own column in a local paper...and that brings me some sort of satisfactio. i have been writing for several websites, my article in you magazine will be released in this month's issue. i am now a dj and a tutor... i also worked for a hotel for a day.


all these seem like a big deal. when i read it on paper, it seems like i hav achieved a lot...but really...when i ook at myelf..it still is me..and no matter how many years pass, and how many great things happen...if it happens to you..it is just..underwhelming..


i am not great. in my mind i am not. and i probabaly will never be great, or the greatest at what i do...and i do a lot...

and i dont think thats a bad thing...that it is one way to stay grounded...but something ha happened to me..i have become unexcitable..i have become too "chill"...that is not to sya that i have become cool..im just always....steady...always relaxed...always unemotional..unexcitable..in a sens..i have become boring...

while the lifeim living is anything but that...it is pretty exciting...but i dont know..i have just become boring....and bored...with life..with love and with everything that comes along with it...i need a revolution..i need a radical change...what i need the most right now....


is a new year

confession:

although new year bringsa lot of food and get togethers...and im all for that..somehow, im not as excited as used to be..i dont know..call me crazy...but i think the partyphile is growing up...or he's just growing tired....