sorry much!

hey guys..the net at home crahed so i havent eben able to posta s much as i used to

i hope ur all still alive though

keep in touch and im gonna post some soon

hope you enjoy my new entries...im in a completely new situation and its fun!

hope to write about it soon...

see ya

bye bitches!!!

monsters

i read somehwere that being too nice makes other people monsters..

that just makes me think....


confession #24

no matter how hard i try to convince myself that im a toughie, reality is, a simple sorry or gift or gesture is enough to melt my heart and forget everything someone has done to me....if and when i still like that person

but once i realize how i dislike or distrust a person...well...nothing s/he can do can make me feel the way i used to...

im talking about friends here....

Loving Lawlessness

once again, im in a huge t shirt and boxers.

this is my comfort wear, as all you loyal readers know by now.

and for the first time in a very very long time, i truly feel at ease.

i mean.. good things have been happening.

i just came from a tutorial session that pays pretty good. i am in my second week of training as a DJ in one of the best radio stations in davao.

i have just submitted an article for my column in edge (newspaper).

i have just received my topic for this week's project. this is for my web content writing stint.

and im just waiting for pescado (a locl bar and grill) to call me. i will soon have regular gigs there

so..if bein g out of law school feels this great...

trhen i wish i had left earlier

confession #23

if i didnt leave law school at the time i eft it..i probabaly would not have had time to assess my life and what i really wanted to do with it..

now, i can express myself through my music, my writing, and my mouth (for talking, not singing this time)


aaah..what na life

everyone wants to be heard...and i am one of the few people who can actually do that

Windows Have Opened.

Alright. remember when i was depressed like shit, and i was like, all positive and stuff?

um. my life has now become the positive. i mean, i quit law school and sobbed for that for a while, but wenough about that.

and then my bopss decides that he does not want me to work part time for him, and that crushed me as well.. and im like, now this is a bomb. that would have paid good, and it was a pretty decent job (well aside for the content which happened to be sexually explicit) and so i thought that i was lost and what not.

but now, i think that was the best thing thast happened to me. because of quitting law school and because my boss did not accept my proposal to work part time (i guess its good bye to my dreams of purchasing a laptop), i had the courage to do so0mething i really really wanted to do: become a Dj.

and getting there was not that tough a road. i just called the station, i was interview for a couple of minutes the enxt day and had started my training. now, i just survived a week's worth of technicalitites (it is surprisingly very very very technical) but i enjoyed it sooo muuch.
its so fresh and new, and lets face it, its one of the coolest jobs on earth. right? right.

anyways...it does not pay much, but who cares? i mean... i don't but i ahd to make ends meet as well. so i asked a friend of mine (jenny) to look for a tutee for me. so now i am also a tutor. i tutor this korean kid named Epiphanio. his mom says he is very naughty but we'll see tomorrow when i finally start handling him.

what else? oh! my thrid article for edge newspaper was just published,. and im expecting to get paid for m6y article in You magazine pretty soon. and the issue where my first article for You magazine will be released this month. so happy happy joy joy.

and this month of november...thjis marks my official start as a vocalist. i mean i used to sing before, but starting this november, im going to have regular gigs at pescado.

also, karla singson has just given me a new job. web content writing as well. pays the same as my [porn writing stint, but its more morally acceptable...

so there..imk juggling (or will be juggling) 5 jobs starting this month

confession #22

i am now a columnist--DJ--tutor--Web content writer-- vocalist-- partyphile!

and im kinda scared. scared that i might bge taking on too much...but then again, when you like what you do, it bnever seems too much...


:-)

Sad Hellos

goodbye is a common word we throw around a couple of times everyday, not really meaning it. we use it to end chatting or texting sessions, we use it to end conversations, we use it instead of "see you later", we use it without ever really thinking about how special a word it is.

but in those significant moments in your life when you say goodbye, and really mean it; when you say it and deeply, truly believe it with every part of your being, it becomes one of the most significant words in your life. for me, it became the theme of my day.

i should know.



i just came home from the ateneo; i had an exam earlier, and i finished it pretty early (at around 3:30). but i stayed there until 6 pm. somehow, the fact that i was staying in campus was comforting to me, that way i did not really have to face the reality that i will never bcome a student of the ateno again.

nope. i did not graduate. this just happened to be the last day of my journey as a law student. and as i was sharing my last cigarette as a law student with my good friend lara, i realized that maybe, i did not have to say goodbye. but its too late for maybes now. i have made my decision.

when i decided to stop law school, i never thought of the gravity of that decision. i thought i was elaving behind all those late nights studying for an exam, all those lectures that seemed to drag on until forever, and all those terms that i never understood.

but reality struck as i was sitting there, all alone, on the stairs leading to the roxas gate. and it was poetic. i was sitting on the stairs and had my back turned to the ateneo. and this was exactly what was happening in my life right now.

i was leaving, no... i had eft the ateneo. the institution where i discovered my talents in singing, writing, and my most special talent--connecting with people. it was in this institution where i built my dreams, this is where i realized the joys of drinking and merry-making after difficult exams. this is where i made real friends, in the mature sense of the word.

i was not leaving the hardships that came with law school, i was leaving my life as a student, and as a depressing bonus... i was leaving my friends behind as well...

earlier today, i said y goodbyes to my classmates. some, like aminah and jars, i talked to, i mean, really talked to, for the first time since the start of the sem. and i realised that aminah and i share the same passion in house music. but then i said good bye to them for the very last time. it was ironic. i hated myself for not getting to know them better. after i had ended my first real conversation with them, i said goodbye, knowing that that was the last time i was going to talk to them.

and then there was dats. my other classmates and i will be going out ater tonight to drink. that will be my last goodbye with thyem as well. however, dats could not come, and he had a good reason why. while i was watching him, while he was walking to the nearest gate (to go home), i felt a twitch in my stomach. i wanted to get to know him more. he seemed interesting, and we shared a lot of the same opinions, and i just like people who can laugh at anything. and so... my final goodbye to him was never said...it was spent watching him leave the campus.

braggy, could not come because of prior engagements. like dats, my final goodbye to her was her image walking towards roxas gate. she does not know this, but i was looking at her until she reached the gate, almost whispering the faintest goodbye in my mind.

and then there were still some of my classmates i had not even talked to yet. that was the saddest part of all. what im trying to say is that im going to miss these people, not because i was sooo close with them, not because i had shared with them everything about me, not because they were my bestfriends, but because they weren't.

what made me sad was the fact that i was leaving some of the most interesting people behind, without really knowing them. without really getting closer to them, without really having a chance to tell them about my life, without really knowing if we could be bestfriends given a couple more years together.

and the uncetrtainty of it all... that made my goodbyes even sadder



confession #21



yes. everyone says that goodbye is a sad word...but the truth is, when i said my "hellos" to my classmates this afternoon... it truly felt sadder than goodbye...because once again, i was getting a taste of something i know, i will ultimately never have.



:c

Holy Shit..what a bomb

alright. so my boss has just replied to my query about my status. as you know, i want to be a full time writer...

well he says its a negative...

so...surprise surprise mr zhaun ortega! its time to look for another job!

confession #20

now im scared. i dont have a job, and i dont have law school. i have no where to go. scare-dom here i come!

but then..whenever a door closes....a window opens, right?

basta..i need to be optimistic for my sanity ...

even if its not cool

i wanna get mad. im mad. but i have no reason to be

Almost The Tunnel's End

My journey as a law student is coming to a close. Later tonight, we will have our last formal review with our terror teacher (who seems to be nicer these days) and i do not know how to handle things.

Last nighht, i lay in bed and i was scared. I have never felt so much emotion and it bothered me. I almost wanted to cry, and that is a pretty big deal for someone who does not even cry at funerals. i imagined my life after law school; what is there to do? my boss still has not decided or even akcnowledged the question of my status as a writer. i want to be a full-time web-content writer but everytime i ask him if i could work full-time, he simply does not reply. this is stressing me out soooo much. i do not know if i need to look for another job, oir hope that my boss will finally make me a full-time writer. this is frustrating.

of course, there is always singing. i will soon have regular gigs scattered throughout the week, and i guess this will keep me busy. but this is also somewhat a distraction. if i did not love to sing, i could accpet any job that comes my way. however, because i am now a regular performer in one of the local establishments, my choices for possible jobs are limited.

and then i remembered that this is exactly the reason why i tried law school out. because life outside the academe is so unpredictable, i did not any control over anything that happened, is happening, or will happen with my professional life. so now im thinking of going back to law school, just to avoid this uncertainty. but i tell myself i must not. i wil not be as weak as i was last june.

i will follow my dreams this time. unfortunately, i do not know whjat those dreams are yet, but i will, somehow, reach them...

confession #19

although it is very tempting to go back to law school and be a student again, becoming a lawyer has to be a dream of mine.