Laws of Affection

Alright, let's get things straight. everybody knows about my lack of reral emotion. People have caled me a lot of different names, from the "ice king", to "stone hearted" and even "manhid" (numb). But this did not really bother me much, actually it somehow made me a little bit proud. I was not proud because of my lack of emotion towards almost everything under the sun, it was just something i had acknowledged about myself, and that i know for sure. So you could just imagine my surprise when i woke up one morning feeling emotional.

I guess i was still capable of human emotion. But that is not at all important. What is important is my reason for being emotional for the first time in the longest time. Right when i woke up, i checked my wrist watch and, as always, it was 12:30. But then i saw the date on top of the time, and this time it said September 29.

"September 29" I thought to myself, realizing how little time i had left with my Law School classmates. And then it struck me. I had never gotten out of my way to be with them; I hjad not spent as much time with them as i should have. And now, that my time with them is running out, i want to give them their due.

Argh. My thoughts are too scattered. What i really want to say is:

I went to Law School just to try it out. I did not plan to make friends, i was content with the people i had close to me, and more friends just did not make it to my priority list. And so i took my Law classmates forfgranted, and i did not make an effort to befirend anyone in my class.

Months started to pass and i relaized that cliques were being formed, people became closer, and i somehow felt like an outsider looking in. That is not to sya that i did not have friends of my own; there were a couple blessed souls who helped me through tough times and put up with my dramatic tendencies, but these people seemed like a community. Not just friends, more complex than siblings; they hjad their own little world.

And at those times when i would get invited inside their world, i understood how it was to be part of that community, and then i realized how wonderful these people were.

I started feeling bad for not having a barkada in the room, for not having that study group. But then i realized, i am a partyphile. I have never belonged to one single group. In this class, where people are as diverse as mixed drinks in any bar in town, i did not have to take my pick. All i needed to do was get a taste of the fun times with all of them, and probabaly try to get to know each and every one of my classmates.

because when all is said and done, i want to leave Law School bidding goodbye to my FRIENDS, not just my CLASSMATES.

confession # 12

no matter how i try to deny it, i will miss these crazy, weird, and fun people i call my law school classmates. and im sure, a couple of weeks after i have left them, i will come back, not wanting to learn about the constitution, criminal law, or civil law, but wanting to share more moments with them, my new found friends.

Can You Feel The Heat?

Uh huh. Last night my friends and i were in DC Farenheit. Its a new club near Gaisano Mall, and the Mental Hospital. hahaha... Anyways, it was their opening yesterday so we decided to party there... and it was a mix of stuff...i rerally did not understand what had happened last night. it was not exciting there, but it was not boring as well. i think maybe the fact that it was new made it different.

i have gone to all the bars in davao and for the longet time i have been looking for a new party place; sopmewhere i could go to and discover something new aside from new faces dancing around me...

and as i was standing in the middle of the blue room in farenheit, i realized that with new experiences comes great insecurities. I realized that if i was somewhere where i had VIP status, i would not feel embarrased to climb up the speakers, dance til i drop and revel in all the attention, but here, where the people are such a vast mix of classes, stereotypes and leagues, i just could not find my place. although i am one hard core partyphile, i have never been one to spend a lot. i am not a big spenmder. i have never been the one to climb the ladder of society. i am not a social climber. and i have never been one to drink all my problems away. i am not an emtional drinker. and somehow, by some cosmic tragedy, these were the people that were present in farenheit last night.

but something tells me im going to be back, because even though i am not an emotional drinker, a big spender, or a social climber, i like to see and be seen. and i have learned so much in life to know that fatrenheit is ther place to be right now.

confession #11

there is just something about farenheit thats unsettling to me..its probably because its all just too flat.. no stairs, no second floors, no platforms, no nothing to stand up on so you could be higher than everybody else... so i would have to accept the fact that i am not like the people dancing away in the club. i am below them. i am insecure. and that to me is very very disturbing; to face the reality of your persona where you should really be feeling good about yourself, dancing the night away

My One and Only

Once again I was mindlessly channel surfing in bed on a Tuesday morning. It was 3 am, I was forcing myself to sleep and I was drunk again; I had gone out when I knew I was supposed to be studying for an exam. I started browsing my Inbox to delete messages from my friends inviting me to a night out, and then i stumbled upon my Mama's message from earlier that evening. It said that she had set aside some dinner for me which I could reheat once I got home. I checked the fridge and there it was: a plate of java rice and some breakfast food (that was probably the only thing she had time to cook with her busy schedule).

And as I was staring at this plate, I realized that she was waiting for me. Tonight, unlike any other night, I might come home early to spend some time with the family, and she could talk to me, ask me how my day was or how I was feeling. And even if she probably figured that I would come home, yet again, in the wee hours of the morning, this plate symbolized that hope. This plate was for me: her eldest son. The son she had given birth to when she was only 20, a year younger than I am now. I could not imagine how she handled the responsibility of having a child as a college student, when I could not even be responsible enough to concentrate on my studies. Yet, here she was, 21 years after, still trying to be the best mother she could be for us, for me.

I ate everything she had set aside for me even if I was stuffed. To me, this was my "thank you", my sign of gratitude, my symbol of appreciation. I ate my Mama's meal to show her that after a hard day, I still needed her; not because I want her to feel loved, but because I really do. I need my Mama. And although I don't admit it, although I try to convince myself that I have managed to become independent, the truth is I need her as much as I needed her when I was still inside her womb.

In the club scene, the world I move in, where everyone is measured by what they have, who they are associated with, or how they look, I realized that Mama is my one true friend. She accepts me for who I am, regardless of what I have become, who my friends are, or how I look like when I wake up with a bad hang over. I do not know if all mothers are like mine, or if they are supposed to be, but mine is, and to me, that is enough. As I washed the emptied plate, I had this gut-wrenching feeling, and my eyes began to well up. I started thinking about me, and for the first time, in a very long time, I was sorry for the way I have been living my life.

I was sorry for all the hurt I caused her, for all those sleepless nights she spent worrying where I could be. I was sorry that I could not force myself to finish Law School for the sole reason that it would make her proud. I was sorry for all those mornings when I came home drunk. I was sorry that I never bothered to reply to her when she texted me that I had dinner waiting at home. I was sorry that I was never the perfect son, and I never even tried to be. I was sincerely sorry, I was sorry with every part of me, but it doesn't matter now. When she wakes up tomorrow and finds that I had eaten the food she prepared just for me, I would make her feel, for the first time in a long time, the way sons should make their Mamas feel: needed, appreciated, and loved. And when she sees that clean plate, my Mama will have forgiven me... she always, always does.

Urbanista Swingles, Embassy-inspired Dance Moves and Stress Relief

Published in Edge Newspaper September 29- October 5

In this day and age when music players are getting smaller and smaller, movies are peddled along city streets, reality shows have ceased to be realistic, new technology seems to pop up every second, and everything, including gratification, has become instant; stress is inevitable. And so, the younger generation, my generation, generation “now”, or the “instant” generation, whatever you want to call us, finds ways to relive stress as instantly as they come.

Stress-relief means different things to different people, but for kids like me who enjoy the social scene, love dancing unabashedly and have a penchant for consuming not-so-child-friendly drinks, the perfect solution for a hard week of exams, quizzes, and nagging sessions is an all-out, no holds-barred gimmick night!

Saturnight gimmicks have ceased to become an avenue for one to be classified as “cool”, the word cool has even ceased to be, well, “cool”. We do not go out on saturnights to pick someone up or to find a relationship, we do not go out to meet swingles (single and willing to mingle); we do not go out to be seen. We do not go out because we have nothing to spend our money on; we do not go out to piss our parents off.

We go out because these so-called “gimikans” are the perfect venue where we could let our hair down, chillax after a hard week, enjoy our friends’ company and try to forget all our problems. Yes, gimikans, wherever they are, however they look like, or whoever frequents them are flocked, not because of all these superficialities, but because they provide my generation with the perfect distraction. We, however young we may seem to other people, have our own problems; we have a lot of things on our minds. And although our parents never hesitate to remind us how minute these problems are compared to theirs, and no matter how many times they give us that “been-there, done-that” lecture, these problems remain ours. And when we feel like we need an escape from these problems, the first thing that comes to mind is a gimmick night. Not because it is “in”, but because it is the most accessible form of escape for us.

I mean, where else could you spend six hours of your time, working your body with Embassy-inspired dance moves, relaxing your mind, clicking glasses and sipping cocktails, and talking with your friends about senseless stuff? This is the only place where you can truly relax and forget your worries. During gimmicks where the only decent conversation you have is bellowing your order to the mixologist (bartender for all you baby boomers out there) on top of some crazy techno music, you could forget your social standing, and you could forget that you do not know how to dance. And in those moments between crazy drunkenness and normalcy, between ingesting alcohol and hurling it out with projectile vomit, between senseless conversation and even more senseless dance moves, you realize that here, in the middle of the crowd, you are happy, and even if you are not… at least you are trying to be. And that is why my generation finds solace in an all-out, no-holds-barred, saturnight gimmick.

Confession #10

the truth is..gimikans really give me a venue to let lose...and i dont care if anybody says otherwise

A Partyphile's Mental Notes

“ OH, MY FREAKIIN’ GAWD!” you tell yourself as you crawl out of bed. It is 1 PM and you have managed to, once again, sleep through all of your morning classes. You should be in school, but nooooo, you just HAD to sleep the whole morning. You’re tempted to sleep some more, but tell yourself that ten hours of sleep is enough. As you eat your breakfast, you plan out your possible activities for today:

1. Stay home and bond with the family? (Isn’t that what Sundays are for?)
2. Start studying for next week’s periodical exam? (Not today. Weekends are for fun.)
3. Coffee with the barkada? (Hot java and good conversation…the only thing that could top that is…)
4. Another night with your gimmick buddies! (Now that’s an idea! It’s the perfect release after a stressful week)




Urbanista Swingles, Purple Ink and Embassy-inspired Dancing (11:00 PM)

You have just arrived Urban Club, and after the bouncer stamps your wrist with purple ink that takes an eternity to remove, the mixologist (bartender) hands you your fave party potion: Rum-Coke (beer is, after all, quite passé). You scout the premises and realize that this is the perfect time to party, the place is full, but not crowded; people are not yet wasted, but are tipsy enough to start dancing their socks off. As you show off your latest Embassy-inspired dance moves to your equally wasted friends, you realize that you are surrounded by eye candy. This is where all of beautiful Davao is!

Urban Club: Great Service (and they even almost pamper VIPs), lots of Swingles (single and willing to mingle), great cocktails. You are definitely coming back next week.





Hyperventilating, Chillaxing and Flat Sausages (2:00 AM)

You decide to transfer to 183, your other favorite bar. You get there and the place is hot and crowded; the whole club has transformed into a dance floor. Sixteen minutes is the longest you can stay inside 183, otherwise, you might run out of breath, eternally.

183: The place to be if you want to dance, the crowd is friendly (a little too friendly if you ask me), and entrance is free by 3AM. Skip this next week.

You try to catch your breath as you migrate to D’ Owl, a bar that features house music. You love it here! The people are cool; the interiors are nice, the mixed drinks are some of the best in the city, and for someone as exhausted as you are, D’ Owl is the perfect place for chillaxing before heading home.

D’ Owl: The scene is fresh; the music is all-house, all-the-time. You love it here. You might skip UC next week and chillax here instead.


Your friends have decided to adjourn this gimmick session; everyone is exhausted and hungry. You pick up some Sausage McMuffin on your way home.





Channel Surfing, Hugging the Throne and Other Little Tragedies (5:00 AM)


As you mindlessly channel surf in bed, you realize that you spent 976 Pesos on one gimmick night (that’s more than your half-week allowance!), you need to create excuses for tomorrow’s nagging session with your parents (seriously, you are running out of good excuses to explain why all your clothes smell like cigarettes), your tummy hurts form all the puking (bye bye Sausage McMuffin ), you are even more exhausted than when your day started, and you are feeling sick and sleepy…Very sleepy… You slowly feel your eyes drop…
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Rrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnngggggg!!! Your alarm clock is deafening.

“ OH, MY FREAKIIN’ GAWD!” you tell yourself as you crawl out of bed. It is 1 PM and you have managed to, once again, sleep through all of your morning classes. You should be in school, but nooooo, you just HAD to sleep the whole morning. You’re tempted to sleep some more, but tell yourself that ten hours of sleep is enough.

No, you are not nursing a hang over. No, you are not wasted. No, your toilet shows no signs of projectile vomit.

Yes, you still have some cash with you. And yes, it IS still Saturday afternoon. That was some crazy dream. As you sloppily eat your breakfast, you plan out your possible activities for today:

1. Stay at home and bond with the family? (Hm. Now that’s an idea! Its not intoxicating, does not induce vomit, it does not cost a cent, and you do not end up exhausted and hung -over, channel-surfing mindlessly in bed)

Converasation Shortage

blah blah blah...

i wish i could hear a l;ot more people talking than my mom telling me what to do. clean this, clean that, mop this,l mop that...doesnt she get that im at home because im working? if i was not doing anything i wouldnt even be home..

it seems like my life is now lacking of wonderful conversation

after this, im going to school. my teacher will once again tell me what to do, how to live my life.pathetic.

there. i hear my mom again as she tells me to clean up..

i am getting tired of this.
i am getting tired of hearing everyone talk, when they are not really saying anything.

conversation with my classmates, they sometimes seem lame.its like all they hink about is school.

where is everyone's love for life and living?

because completely submerging yourself in a life of school or work is not living at all..i used to think it was... but it isnt


confession #10

some of my friends do not want to meet up in a bar (my element) because, they say, we cannot talk there. but, in this world where good conversation is scarce, i sometimes hope that instead of talking somewhere about some senseless stuff, we could be dancing or drinking the night away in some noisy bar. because then, you get to see what your friends really want to tell you.

who gives up his seat for you?
who accompanies you to the loo?
who gives you attention?
who faces you whent hey dance?
who shares a drink with you when you have no cash left to buy some?
and who talks to you when you're "just not feeling it" and you are tucked in a corner, trying to find a hand to hold in this crowd full of lonely people?

Tambagan

tambagan is a visayan/davawenyo word i had recently discovered. throughout yesterday, people were saying this word and it got me thinking once again about how people dealwith advice

of course i realized i was being too full of myself to pretend like i know what im talking about, and so i have decided to blog about advice and myself.

now, i know this seems narcissistic, but i have a point here.. trust me..

well..people often give me advice, they tell me what to do, how to l;ive my life..

some advice is unsolicited, some is..the point is:

whether or not i ask for advice or not, i never listen to them... i mean, even before i ask people what they think about a certain predicament or query, i have already made a decision in my own twisted mind. but the fact that poeple put their two cnets in, or even that they could sway my opinion or make me think about the issue at hand again, it just makes me feel more in control of my emotions and the decisions my mind makes

therefore, advice-taking is not really for the purpose of advice-taking..it is somewhat of an assurance.
sometimes, i just want to know if people agree with me, and if they don't, i wanna know the reason behind it as well

confession #9

note to friends: when i ask you for your advice, never tell me taht you have nothing to say or that you are bad at giving advises. when i ask you for your advice, i am not really asking for your advice, i am asking for re-assurance of my worth in this world, i am asking for a shoulder to cry on, most importantly, i am asking for YOU, and not the words that come out of your mouth.

Layers and Layers

well..decided to answer this strange survey...just so you'd get to knowm me better:)


LAYER ONE:
Name:
zhaun
Birth date:
december 7 1986
Birthplace:
cagayn de oro city, misamis oriental, philippines
Current Location:
davao..the loveliest place in the philippines
Eye Color:
dark brown
Hair Color:
black...butn now its lighter...because of the "sun" haha
Righty or Lefty:
Righty


LAYER TWO:
Your heritage:
i'd like to think im pure pinoy but i do not evn look the part..haha.im art chinese and spanish
The shoes you wore today:
haha...santa cruz crocs
Your weakness:
cigarettes and chocolates
Your fears:
umm..i dunno.bananas
Your perfect pizza:
hmm..sbarro chicago deep dish
Goal you’d like to achieve in life:
be a famous writer..haha..how pathetic..scrap that..be a famous singer..me likey likey

LAYER THREE:
Your most overused phrase on IM:
hahaha
Your first waking thoughts:
argh..coffee..now...
Your best physical feature:
umm..i dunno...my lips...?
Your most missed memory:
high school

LAYER FOUR:
Pepsi or Coke:
umm..i cant endorse sodas unless they pay me
McDonald’s or Burger King:
mcdonalds..haha...havent tried Bk yet
Single or group dates:
hmm..single...
Adidas or Nike:
whatever..
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:
nestea baby!
Chocolate or vanilla:
chocolate..always, ALWAYS chocolate
Cappuccino or coffee:
hm..caspuccino is coffee.stupid question..next!

LAYER FIVE:
A famous person, dead or alive, that you would interview:
hmm..i dunno..mariah?
Movie you can watch and say the lines along with the actors:
eew..i dont ever wanna be a movie-groupie..puh-lease!
Name two of your passions in life:
partying and singing
Least favorite time of day:
1pm..when i wake up

LAYER SIX:
Hairspray or gel:
wax..haha...much much better than hairspray or gel
Your favorite meal:
hmm..pizza, pata tim, roast beef, iced gem biscuits, choc nut
Color you see when you close your eyes:
black with white spots and stuff
Listen to classical music:
haha..when its like mixed in with techno,...hahaha
Ever said LOL in real life without thinking about it:
i dont even type LOL


::END::

This is Not Sex and the City

i was sitting with my friends somewhere in the middle of davao, yes, not new york. i was in a fast food...i was in mcdonalds actually...and i was enjoying my favorite treat:

a hot fudge sundae, a good menthol cigarette and better conversation

yes. this was my sunday night. and lthough it seems regular, it was fun. the conversation was nothing like what the asamantha's and the carries of the world go through, but hey, these are my friends, and what they have to say is good enough for me.

we do not live lives as exciting as the main cast of sex and the city, neither do we have the most exciting love lives, but here we were, four single people just out of college (well one is actually still in college) and ready to take on the world. opur conversation was not about anything exciting either. we just talked about common everyday occurences. and at that very moment, where a little honest mistake garnered laughs like it was a big joke, i realized:

it is never about where youare, how exciting your life is, or what you say... it is actually more abiout who you are with

and i think that tyhis has always been the constant theme in my life. friends are my fuel, and the lack of friends (support and what not)is what weakens me..it is my proverbial kryptonite...

i wanted to go back to college to be with these peope again... but i know i do not have to do that... a simple text is enough to bring us together, and even bring us back to our uniform-wearing daYs, when we chatted away, pretending to listen to our professor. for all we know, they were never boring, we just knew somehow that better conversation was waiting for usin the seat next to ours.

confession # 8:

at this time where my life is complicated, my thoughts are a blur, and my love life is non-existent... these college buddies of mine still have the power to take me back to those days when i could just kick back, relax and watch my life go by.

and i am afraid to let go of these people, because maybe, just maybe, with them gone, i would lose my license to chillax as well..

Going Out with 15

Alright. Now anyone who has followed this blog would know how ive been depressed the past weeek, but thi week i a totally different story. i do not understand why, but luck has been on my side lately..

last night, i visited my friend's house. i walked going there, so it didnt cost me anything. i had to walk ecause all i had with me was a measly 100 pesos plus change.. that just does not work for me so i decided to walk..

a few chit chats later, we decided to join our other friend in pescado. its this new place in torres. my friend gave me 40 for the cab ride, and i chipped in a measly 13 pesos. anyways...when we got there, they decided to transfer to i88...so we did

and i got a free ride..hehehe

so..recap...ive been to theree places now and all ive spent is 13 pesos..

peiple gave me beer left and right, and so i drank the night away,...hehe...

to cap things off, i shared a cab with my friend and i chipped in 2 pesos..

so my total expense for last night: 15 pesos..


confession #7:


someone tells me that when you manage to go out and party and not spend a single peso... thats when you know you are loved for who you are and not for what you have

So You're In Deep Shit... Here's How To Cope

Alright. So you have a problem. your problem is not a small matter, but to me, it does not matter. problems are all the same, they were sent from the high heavens to give your days a little spice, and give your life a whole lotta shit.

so you have been moping, whining and crying all day in bed. no body cares. the truth is, the world can go on without you, and another drama queen or king just will not make a difference.

anyways, your luck is bound to change. i mean nobody is eternally unlucky, and this day might be your lucky day. wel, if it isnt, your lucky day yet, at least you could cope with these tips:


1. exercise... just exercise baby! remember, endorphines make you feel happier, lighter, and some exercises, like boxing, will help take your agression out

2. write a friggin journal- nobody cares if your grammar is all twisted. just write. it is one of the best releases and it costs close to nothing. and as a bonus, you could read back to it whenever you feel bored and remember esxactly how you felt in some random day in your past. make a blog, get a diary. i dont care. you could even write in toilet paper. but just write.

3. watch a comedy. come on. you know that deep down, lying in bed crying over every little song or movie line wont help, so just go and watch a friggin, senseless comedy. it will take your mind off things and is sure to get you to a better mood

4.go to some resort. there is always a cheap resort somewhere near ya.. it doesnt matter if its a walking distance from your house, the point is, you are not in your house, where everything is familiar. in a resort where everything is new, you will also be occupied with getting to know the area and stuff. and nothing mends a broken heart like a sun setting on the horizon while you are watching from a beach somewhere...

5. get out and party- the party scene is the perfect venue for getting your mind off problems. when you are surrounded with people, you tend to think about them instead of your problems, and lets face it, alcohol really does make you forget, not just your problems, but most everything you know... so enjoy your drunken state. dont be ashamed of it.. at least on the night you are out partying and drinking, you are safe. safe from all the troubles of the mind, and safe from all the painful screams of the heart

confession #6:

people ask me why i NEED (not want) to go out partying almost every night...i never answer... i think i do not need to explain m,y decisions to any one, but the truth of the matter is

i go out every night because when im drunk in a club somewhere, every laugh could have been a tear spent while lying in bed alone

and the excitment i feel each time i meet someone new, could have been the longing for someone i used to know

I Am Officially A Genius

I am officially a genius! i wa sleeping, and you know those few moments between sleep and waking up?

Well, yesterday morning (well actually i wake up at 1pm, so it was really yesterday afternoon)when i was just waking up, i could still almost see my dream... i could almost recall it. more importantly, i was able to hear myself talking in my dream

i was blabbering about a lot of stuff, but something i was saying made a mark on me.. in my dream i had just coined a word, and i was planning to write blogs about my word, so that i could preseve my intelectual property. right? right.

so the word i have coined is: SWINGLE which means single and willing to mingle

ok so, its not really a big word, nor is it really interesting or smart

but who else can invent a word in their sleep?

confession # 5:

im seriosuly thinking that some soul or angle or devil for that matter sent me this idea..but id still like to think its the product of a genius mind.haha..kidding...of course...unless you take it seriously

Who Am I?

i have intentionally left my name out of this blog, i have intentionally kept some parts of me that would eb telling about who i am and what i am...

i figured, a little mystery would never hurt...and if you think you know me... you have no idea...

but i have realized that today i need to tell my audience who i am..just becaus...well..im friggin bored..

and this is MY blog...

haha
So, who am I?

Here's who:

1. i am currently taking up law in san beda
2. i am a part time writer... i write porn
3. i love eating raw vegetables, especially ampalaya
4. when given a choice between caramel and chocolate, i always choose caramel without skipping a beat... and then at the last minute, change my mind as i realize that chocolate is healthier for me
5. my idea of happiness is iced gem biscuits
6. sadnes? no alcohol for three days
7. all i want to do right now is to lose weight
8. i need more money... thus i need more work
9. i sleep all day, party all night
10. i am a VIP in the hottest local clubs
11. i love myself
12. i love myself so much that i want to commit suicide
13. when iu was born, birds sang, unicorns flew high above and sea horses rejoiced... a star was born
14. i wanted to stop at thirteen. its a lucky number
15. every body oves me, especially the dragon who loves eating peanut butter
16. i ahve a best friend named phoukie, and he lives in an enchanmted forest. he survives only on honey bees and chocolate eclairs dipped in starbucks' coffee
17. i just lied. a lot

Partyphile...All Grown Up

hey bitches!

guess what? Yes. You've read the date right.Yes. It is a saturday night. and yes. i am at home. Why?
because i hade just realized something..and yes. this is about another realization.

i had realized that tonight, unlike any other saturday night, i do not need to go out and party. tonight, i do not feel restless, i am at peace. tonight, for the first time in a very very very long time, i am ok with staying home, even though it is a saturday night. tonight, i have realized that i do not need the blinding lights, the overly loud music, the beer goggles, and the intoxication alcohol brings to have a good time.

yes. tonight, unlike any other night, i may just have realized that i am mature enough to stay at home on a saturday night.

yup. you heard it right people, the partyphile has finally grown up...

confession #4:

its either im mature enough, or i just had too much of a good time last night, drinking and partying..hahaha

Hard Rains and Little Tragedies

Yes. I had a rough week. Rougher than sand paper. Rougher than crocodile skin, and yes, even rougher than Mary J. Blige's voice.

But in the midst of my twenty-something depression and stress attacks, it got me thinking...


My mind wonders: do we, the younger generation, really go througgh rough times? or are we just pre-programmed by media to magbnify little tragedies in our own mind?

i mean, am i really this unlucky? do i really have a life that sucks this bad? or is it just that my point of view is twisted?

do i really have a good life, which i choose to view as "bad"?

i was watching grey's anatomy. and yes, as usual, it was filled with tears and overly emotional doctors...

and it got me wondering... is our society really like this? because i do not remember myself crying at the drop of a hat..
BUT have we, as a generation, made it acceptable to throw tantrums or carry our weight around just because we had a bad day?

the answers to these, i do not know..
but i think i have been wearing some twisted glasses..

maybe i really have it good, but i choose to see the negative side of things..or maybe this week was not really that bad...i just chose to to see the negativity in it

just maybe

of course, after you suffer a car crash, a good scolding, some turmoil with friends and parents, trouble with work and finances...it is somewhat acceptable to feel bad..and at a grand level..


but hey! im alive aren't i? and that is all that matters now...

confession #3:
even though i made it through the storm that was last week, im am optimistic, not giddy with happiness..but i am optimistic...


...even though optimism is not really cool right now

Rum Is Me...

You Are Rum

You're the life of the party, and a total flirt You are also pretty picky about what you drink Only the finest labels and best mixed cocktails will do Except if you're dieting - then it's Diet Coke and Bicardi all the way

What Alcoholic Drink Are You?

Keeping Things Real

in the few years that i have existed, i have learned quite a lot from friends. i have learned how to:
1. cuss;
2. drink;
3. smoke;
4. do drugs; and
5. party

and yes. i do treat my friends well. i prioritize my friends more than half the stuff that i should. and so it really sucks hard when these people, you call friends, become the enemy.

yes, i know this is normal and this is totally temporary (keeping my fingers crossed here), but is it healthy for one's sanity to believe that your BFFs will really last forever?

recently, people i still refer to as my 'best friends' or my 'clique', have done the unthinkable (gasp) -- they have forgotten to invite me for a night out! and what is a partyphile to do when that partyphile is left out from something that is totally that partyphile's element?

well... experience tells me: that partyphile bleeds.

Yes. a partyphile may have a sea of connections and what not, but when people who used to be close to a partyphile's heart leaves that particular partyphile...s/he goes almost crazy.

with the myriad things that my friends have taught me, i realized something.

just like the waning and fading effects of alcohol and drugs, friends too are fleeting...
and just like alcohol and drugs, the more you hold on to them, the more you feel like you're losing control. which makes me think...

are friends, sober people's alcohol?

confession 2:

if friends are sober people's alcohol, then i would much gladly trade my friends for alcohol. at least alcohol never makes promises of forever and butterflies and rainbows.

with alcohol, you know exactly the effect: you get a hangover the day after, there might be a possibility of projectile vommit in your future, you might get attracted to otherwise unattractive peole, and you get (just ike with friends) a good time.

with alcohol, however, you know that by the time you wake up the next morning, it's comforts would have left you. with friends, you never know when your bond is severed.

so...to all the lonely people in the world tonight: raise your rum-cokes and drink your worries away!